Rock ‘n’ roll not a guaranteed lay

I’m sorry for my lack of posts recently, but I’ve been on hiatus with school and work and have no time for trying to flirt with women.

On Friday, I went with a few friends to the Trinity Commons, posing as a fake band called “Rumpleforeskin.” I was rocking out on the guitar and my two friends got their drum and kazoos.

We played our original songs, which include “Glory Hole,” “Chocolate” and “Dragon Whore.”

At one point, our fan base grew to one person. Well, I don’t think I can technically call him a fan because he called us anti-semetic — the song we played was called “Merry Christmas, Fuck You I’m a Jew.” Since I’m actually Jewish, I was very confused because the song is advocating being Jewish.

He asked us to play a love song, so we played our dedication to the chocolate ice cream. He left half-way through the song and our fan base went back down to zero.

In regard to talking to women, I was hoping some women might come talk to us because from what I’ve heard, rock stars are sexy.

Well, maybe next time I should choose a better time than noon on a Friday to perform so more students will be on campus and ready to listen.

But for now, the theory of sex, drugs and rock ’n’ roll has officially been disproven.

The Ocho: the ineffectiveness of pick-up lines

A few years ago, I once heard a guy at a party use the pick-up line, “Excuse me, do you have a cigarette? I want your butt in my mouth.” I laughed at it, but it got the other guy a slap in the face by his potential hook-up.

Pick-up lines don’t work. What I mean to say is that I’ve never actually seen one pulled off successfully. This past week, I tried to break that trend.

A few days ago, I was at work when a friend of mine jokingly told me I had dropped a slip of paper. I picked it up and it had the message “I think you’re cute.” It also had her phone number even though I already had her number (which she knew). I thought it was a perfect idea and decided to give it a try.

I roamed downtown and all over campus attempting to use this line. Most women would read the paper, give a chuckle, walk about a block and then throw it away.

For the other people I didn’t see throw away the paper, I still am waiting for their phone call. However, I don’t expect a call anytime soon.

From experience, I’ve noticed that all pick up lines generally get the same responses as the one’s I’ve gotten and also the same response that my unfortunate friend received at the party. They just don’t work.

What does work is conversation, from what I’ve seen. If you can talk about something interesting for a decent amount of time and pretend like you know what you’re talking about, then maybe some good will come out of it.

Unfortunately, the reason why pick-up lines aren’t as effective as most men want them to be is because while some of them might get some sort of weird conversation started, most women think you’re awkward.

I’m trying not to give away any more information than this so that the idea isn’t jeopardized and someone might realize that I am not being real.

Once again, if you have any ideas for me to try out, however crazy they might be, please either email me or comment on the story and I’ll definitely give it a shot!

August Walsh can be reached at
awalsh@theorion.com

The Ocho: A love introduction

Let’s face it, we’ve all got issues. Some people have difficulties with school, others have issues with finding a job. My worst enemy is trying to approach women. Finding an appropriate and effective technique to talk to women is an important, and not always so easy, lesson to learn in life.

While for some, talking to women comes naturally. Not me. Definitely not me. I’m short, hairy, overweight, and I try to compensate for all of these socially unacceptable norms with my sense of humor because let’s face it, nobody can really hate a funny guy. Even worse, nobody really seems to take an interest in dating the nice and funny guy.

I wanted to start blogging in order to find those easier techniques to at least get conversations started and hopefully get some phone numbers as well. I’m not here to prove or disprove any dating pick up ploys but rather to see what benefits me in the hopes that maybe some of these methods might work for others like me.

During Spring Break, I went to see the movie, “She’s Out of My League” and I admittedly went to go see it with my mom. If I want to prove anything, I’d like to prove one simple thing that I learned. Hopefully, someone as borderline unattractive as myself can get with a perfect 10. However, I’ve been taught my whole life that only beautiful people date each other; It doesn’t look too promising for me.

Every week, I will try out something new in order to get women’s attention. I have some ideas already but if any people decide to read these blogs, please feel free to email me any techniques that may or may not have worked for you and I will gladly try them.

So sit back and enjoy while I attempt to do the near-impossible and almost fatal: talking to women.

August Walsh can be reached at
awalsh@theorion.com